3.1 Playnotes

MINUTES:

1:22: After a few minutes, I get this message: "Mission complete!" I was on a mission this whole time?

1:23: ACTUAL DIALOG ALERT! Time Wizard: "Now we can use the summon function!" Protagonist: "Right, whatever that means."

1:25: Hubs in games are fantastic for killing tension and forward momentum. For those unfamiliar with the term, the different stages in a game are sometimes broken up by a hub area that allows you to interact with some ancillary features before choosing to continue to the next level. Chaos Wars, as it is apt to do, not only requires me to navigate a hub world, but I must also go to a computer to interact with a menu to choose which intangible key will open some intangible door. Using the imaginary key in the imaginary door menu allows me additional menu options in the level select. The whole experience makes me feel terrible.

1:27: The game allows you to take additional quests in addition to the linear progression. Out of some form of morbid curiosity (or extreme confusion), I choose a mission titled "Jelly Demon".

1:30: Our stern knight character hits a slime with a scythe, which increases her "mentality". When the next character kills that slime, that character increases in six different statistics. This type of unnecessary abstraction is one of the most egregiously senseless trends in video games and a fertile topic for future discussion.

1:46: There is a red sphere interface in the uppper-right hand corner during this battle. Right now there is one pie piece lit up. As the battle continues, the number of pie pieces stays constantly in flux. I have no idea what this means.

1:48: Killing slimes nets me a "Schoolboy's Uniform" and a "Young Devil's Horn". I know that it may seem a bit silly of me to expect logic out of the game's setting, but itemization in games is a constant source of consternation to me. I'll try to discuss this in the future.

1:51: This notes the first time that I've been hit since beginning this quest. Every enemy does zero damage.

1:54: I've finished the "Jelly Demon" quest. A menu informs me of this, as well as, for the first time, actually describing my goal in taking this quest. To quote, "Jelly Demon are getting together. Do something about it." If I hadn't gained the self-satisfaction gained from working earlier in the day, I would have probably attempted hanging myself from the despair gained by actively contributing to something so pointless. I had to settle for auto-erotic asphyxiation instead.

That said, although none of my characters took any damage during this quest, the quest classified as being "Rank 3" - which implies that this quest is at least more important than something else in the game by two entire ranks.

1:58: After this despicable experiment, I decided to continue the linear level progression. I'm playing a character who seems to be from another game, not that Chaos Wars bothers to let me know. This character is unique because his defensive skills allow me to engage in Quick-Time Events. This is the equivalent of going to your own birthday party hosted by some relatives that you don't like and learning that they've surprised you by bringing along the neighbors that keep stealing your newspaper.

2:00: I've discovered that the L2 & R2 buttons allow me to fast forward through all of the game's combat animations. Of course, a game developer should probably not create anything that any consumer would ever have the desire to fast-forward through but this feature will probably make playing Chaos Wars a bit more pleasurable. Unfortunately, L2 & R2 don't work as well as the eject button.